LozRants

A quick photo of the family at Billy's work Christmas party. What a nice time.

We haven't gone in a couple years - due to several health reasons (mine).

It was a nice time, but I think the kids are getting just too big and bored with the routine. Tori had her bag & knitted while Madi played with her gameboy.

I think they will thank me next time in leaving them home.

Sigh....

They are growing up too fast.

Not the best family photo, but the only one I have that is recent. Happy Holidays to all & may the next year be one of the best. Gotta look on the bright side.

(PS. Minus 70+ pounds at this picture.)

One of the hardest things I have come to realize is just how large
I really was. I was so fat that I after I had lost 50 lbs, not that many people noticed. I still look very fat & overweight. I AM still fat & overweight, but it is slowly melting off. Thank goodness. I am feeling much better - my knees...my back...it doesn't hurt just to get out of bed in the morning. I have more energy. I love it. I am really looking forward to losing the next 50 pounds!
I started at 265. Oh My Goodness I said it. Wow. When you are that fat - the only person you are fooling is yourself!
I am only 5'2" (if I am lucky). My goal is to be 120-130. I would settle for 150 if I had to, but I want 'more' now. I am getting greedy to be a lower weight.
I want to look good for my hubby - I want him to be proud
to show me on his arm and by his side. This photo was taken
a couple weeks ago - after I had already lost 50.
The loss is slower now that I am eating real food, but I am
getting more energy to start working out more.
The battle continues. Tune in another day....
Hugs and kisses to family. LYWAMH Lo

Well yesterday was the day I hit 50. Yes 50 lbs. I know it was more, but I am only counting from the first weigh in at the doctors office in SB (June 2008). I will post some photos as soon as I can get them from my hubby. Getting photos off the camera isn't too bad, it is getting him to share that is the hard part.
Surgery went well on Thursday in early August. I stayed in SB & then hubby & kids picked me up the next day to take me home. Easy Breezy.
That was the easy part. This is one of the hardest things I have done yet. I have tossed my cookies more since surgery then all thru chemo last year. Boy, you learn your lesson fast! Small bites, chew well - really, really well and have very small portions. Everything smells wonderful until you take a bite (nibble). Everything is either way too sweet or just blah.
No rice. No chewy bread. No sweets. Tried just a sip of diet pepsi & it tasted like thick, sweet, syrup. Can't believe I loved those that much before.
I drink water constantly, but have found I don't like it room temp. I want it hot or cold. Room temp tastes like weak tea - funny flavor.
Was all this worth it? Oh yeah!

I still have a long way to go, but learning to eat again has been an adventure that I will gladly explore. I love food. Tastes, textures, smells, colors. All of it. But now, I am really appreciating and watching what I eat because I have to. Not just because I want to, but no errors are allowed. Error = tossing cookies.

I have had the best support from everyone and I want to thank you all. My kids are taking the longest to figure this out, but they have come around.
I am looking forward to the next 6-12 months to see what happens.
Hope all is well in family land. Miss you all. Can't wait to see everyone soon.
hugs & kisses.

Time for change. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I don't know, it just sounded good.

Well, dear friends - it really is that time, though. Time for me to make some changes & I hope it all turns out well. I am excited & scared at the same time. I am having surgery next week - once again - I am hoping it is going to be the last one for a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time.
I am going in for the roux-en-y gastric bypass because I am tired of being "fat & happy". I am looking forward to being just "happy". Forget the sissy lap band - no thanks.
Without boobs, all I see is a big fat belly. Since chemo and being sick for months on end, being lethargic and just all around grumpy and not feeling well - along with getting older - everything just droops and sags. Great thought, huh?
Well don't get too excited, there are enough scars on this body to turn off even the most avid fan! It hasn't stopped me from going swimming in public pools or hot tubs. I would go in ususally when there aren't many people around, but hey - I'll never see these strangers again, so why not?! And if there are friends around - who cares?
So, keep your fingers crossed that all goes well & who knows, maybe you won't even recognize me when you see me next. For some, that might be a good thing. Easy for me to dodge those people I don't want to see. mmmmm but not you, though. I always love seeing you.
love and kisses to all the nephews & especially my favorite neice :) & "mini me".

When I started this blog, I really believed it would be for my kids. I wanted to pass on Mom advice. Sometimes teenagers really don't want to listen to Mom, but they'll listen to their friends. Yeah, they listen to those who don't know what they are even talking about. Their decisions are so difficult that they sometimes lose braincells just by trying to decide what to have for breakfast in the morning.
I had the idea that maybe if they saw it (advice) in writing that it might possibly be true or good to know. Yeah right. I rant about life & other things & haven't even gotten down to business yet. No wonder my kids don't want to listen - they have to wade through too much crap to find the golden nugget. Let me clarify that one - they believe it is crap, I believe it is good advice along with a story and a moral. Ok, I guess they don't want to hear the stories - they don't care if I already know what I am talking about - they just don't want to hear it.
I have one kid that won't talk and another that won't stop. Night and day - what a difference.
What a wonderful, delightful difference.
I just love their sense of humor, their fresh view of the world and yes, I do learn from my kids.
Things I learned so far - yes, I am sure you have probably learned these also, but I wanted to put them here, so I will!

Share - it never hurt anyone to share.
Stand up for yourself - if you don't, who will?
Stand up for the little guy - even if it is against your friends.
If you can get yourself out of bed in the morning - be thankful all day.
If you can open your eyes and see the sun, clouds, your loved ones - be even more thankful.
Smile - it makes you feel better.
Be happy - it makes everyone feel better.
Don't worry so much - if you can do something about it, do it. If you can't - why worry?
Do your best.
You can let the housework go sometimes - spend the time with your kids and have fun.
People come to see you - not your house.
Be happy with yourself - fat or not, everyone is unique.
Be fair.
If you are wrong, apologize & mean it.
Look 'em in the eye - even your enemies.
Don't waste time thinking bad thoughts or bad wishes - karma happens!

Regrets - I am human, as are we all. I have made bad decisions and done things that I cannot take back - they have all brought me to where I am in life & I love my life, my kids & hubby.
I would definitely do things a little different if I had to do it over - but not too much different, because I wouldn't want to lose what I have in my life.
If life does bring lemons - as it has before, make lemonade or get the tequila and drink til you feel better.
I prefer my scotch.
hmmmmmm, it's gotta be happy hour somewhere.....


FYI - I may joke about drinking, but I rarely do it.
A shot every now and then with 1/2 a beer, but so rarely that a six pack of Corona sits in my fridge for months & months. Oh well, it is the thought that I can have a drink if I want. That way I age my Scotch / Whiskey / Tuaca even more.

Isn't it amazing at how fast life can come at you?!
The girls got out of school for the summer and Madi gets chicken pox a couple days after school is out. Work that around the chemo schedule, work and doctor visits - a bit busy. Then Tori doesn't get the pox - well, ok, she got two pock marks, but develops Meningitis. That is enough to stop you in your tracks, right there! Poor baby was miserable.

The girls are still in softball - it doesn't stop from February thru October. Practice every night of the week for one or the other kid, then tourneys on the weekends. It is amazing we see
each other as a family. I am beginning to long for the days when they weren't old enough to watch themselves...days when they weren't off with their friends constantly...days when they didn't have something planned...BUT then I remember that the house will be picked up before I get home...days that they fix dinner for themselves or the family...days that they can take care of themselves so that I don't have to worry about daycare or babysitters.

Time is going by so fast that I need to slow down and spend more time with my kids before they leave me behind. I thought that the cancer would slow us down, but it only slowed me down. And I can truly say that it has kicked my butt this time. I am so grateful to be here. I may be slow, but I am here. The girls take care of me and forgive me when I am grouchy and in pain. I am so lucky to have the support of Billy and the girls. I could not have asked for a better husband and loving father. Thank you all for your loving support. This includes my dad, my brothers and their families, my friends, Billy and the girls especially.

Be thankful for everyday that you can get out of bed and see your family for there are so many who cannot do this for themselves.

Life can surprise you, lift you up and slam you down, but it is never boring.

I guess that I am done rambling, I just want to let everyone know how thankful I am and hope that I am still rambling on 30 years from now.
My goal right now is to get thru next surgery and get thru to this birthday and then one more year to prove I can make it. I will reach 45 next year.
I will be here.
I will.